A lifelong oddity

A lifelong oddity
 
Friends and relations explore the realm –
beaches, mountains; parks and trails;
 
venture onto foreign lands.  I remain
ensconced in my house, in my small town,
 
in my good old body while it’s still around.
They speed away on wheels and rails
 
to explore the abundance.  I explore the lack; 
my eyes turned backwards inside my head.
 
They enjoy.  I ponder what value  
joy has in this ephemerality.  
 
My friends and relations encourage me
to join in the fun; to be more like them.
 
I don’t know enough to explain it.
The best I can say is
 
I’m trying to hold myself still as possible
while the doctor removes the bullet.
 
O child of God, you are a lifelong oddity,
no longer pretending to be otherwise.