The attempt to do both

The attempt to do both                                                                              
 
A serious breach of protocol – to stand
on the threshold of Baba’s Tomb.
 
While still in the body, He would gesture
to anyone in a doorway:  Come into the room
 
or remain outside.  But every time, every time,
He has offered me such a gesture, I retreat      
 
into the turbulent realm of my birth.
Circling now the exterior of my heart,
 
(for surely He has established Himself there)
I content myself with window peeping
 
or standing only as deep as the doorsill,
while (in His mercy) from the far end of the room
 
He gestures urgently:  Enter My darbar
or remain a creature of the outside world.
 
O child of God, it is the attempt to do both
that is tearing you apart.