Imagine a realm where there’s nothing to ponder.
Not a realm of omniscience, mind you,
but of quiescence; a dousing deeply satisfying –
the flame snuffed out; the pendulum
come (at last) to a dead plumb stop.
For years now my Lord has preached in my wilderness
for His lover to become desireless.
I have strung Him along –
answered His quenching wisdom
with all manner of inquiries, ruminations, suppositions.
Cheekily I have begged to be an exception –
to be taught – though He did not come for that.
Strange to discover after a near-lifetime of searching
that my fondest desire, of which I cannot let go,
is to know within this tiny, mortal,
bone-hard skull of mine Knowledge Itself
and that this wrong-headed obsession
is keeping me from an unstipulated surrender
that would allow all my doubts to die
peacefully unrequited within my mortal frame.
O child of God, you keep coming back to the same
fundamentals you were told from the very first.