Not this

Not this                                                                                                     
 
Neti, neti goes the Gita; not this, not this.
Try it after each phrase in the Prayer of Repentance,
 
neti, neti – not what I expected, Lord –
not this; not what I meant to say;
 
it wasn’t what I lacked after all;
it blew up in my face, Lord;
 
neti, neti – not what I’d hoped for;
insufficient, unsatisfactory;  lost now –
 
slipped away; not this, not this, Lord, not this –
not what I wanted; not what’s in my heart;
 
not at all what I’d envisioned.
Neti, neti; neti, neti – the clock is ticking away
 
the moments of choice, attachment and hope;
the constant failures we speak of – being fooled
 
again and again by illusions self-created
through our ignorance and limitations.
 
O child of God, to repent of our failures is to list
the illusions we fall for moment to moment.