There's another name for constant inquiry.
It's called digging in my heels -
against the pull of fate, the sweep of time,
the soft corruption of flesh.
It's my abandonment of the fleeing,
before it abandons me,
an attempt to stay where I am -
in my timeless head - and not be
through the channel God intends,
which looks a whole lot like
(and the teachings confirm) annihilation.
Whatever my claims
of noble intentions, fidelity and devotion,
it's a sad, doomed search
for a loophole which will nullify
the whole arrangement,
negate the necessity of my suffering,
death and non-existence.
O child of God, to surrender is to step
light-footed toward your own eradication.