This constant inquiry is my way of digging in my heels
against the pull of fate, the sweep of time,
the soft corruption of flesh. It’s my abandonment
of the fleeing, empty-handed moment before it abandons me;
an attempt to stay where I am – in my timeless head –
and not be ushered impassively through the channel
God intends, which looks a whole lot like
(and the teachings confirm) annihilation.
Whatever my claims of noble intentions, fidelity and devotion,
it’s a sad, doomed search for a loophole which will nullify
the whole arrangement, negate the necessity
of my suffering, death and non-existence.
O child of God, to surrender is to step
light-footed toward your own eradication.