In lieu of silence

In lieu of silence                                                                                      
 
In lieu of silence, I offer this poem.
In lieu of surrender, I offer this prayer.
 
Unable with my whole heart to praise You,
I compose these poems of praise,
 
mitigated by inquiry and complaint;
by words themselves.  In lieu of conviction,
 
I assiduously examine and guard my faith,
lest a wall should crumble, a foundation crack.  
 
In my lack of poise,
I lay at Your feet my desperation
 
and because my obedience is so shaky,
I repeat constantly my repentances
 
for the breaking of my high-minded vows. 
I can’t live up to Your measure
 
but, You are the measure.  It is You
for Whom I break my own silence,
 
reaching out of my shell with petitions,
questions, grievances and grief.
 
You are the Hub around which my thoughts,
my being revolve in this mad, whirling experience
 
in which I find myself and hope,
one day, to lose myself and find You.
 
O child of God, when a poem breaks your heart
you know you’ve moved a smidgen closer to the core.